Wednesday Special at the Car Wash Today

Wednesday Special at the McFeeley Car Wash Today, just $10.00 extra for a hand wash from Julie or Esperanza. You'll be in and out in 20 minutes when you schedule your car wash from your wireless phone. Bring your camera phone with you, just $20 more!
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O.K. All you chickens... BACK TO WORK!

Chickens prepare to return to work after the long New Year's weekend in Dinuba, California.
Now that the New Year's Holiday is wrapping up, it's time to put your beaks to the grindstone and push out some eggs. That's the message from the National Chicken Council, and they're not to chicken to say it.

"How are you chickens going to get anywhere by loafing around watching a football game on T.V.?", asked Dinuba, California Chicken Rancher Wayne T. Johnson during a motivational meeting that he instituted on the spur of the moment Monday afternoon, January 2nd, 2006 with all his laying chickens. Rancher Johnson explained to The Atomic Eye: "We respect our chickens and we provide a nice place for them to work as well as time off on Bank Holidays. We even have some of the smarter chickens working in our accounts payable department. But for cryin' out loud, it's time to make tomorrows' egg orders, and this 3 day weekend has stressed the market supply of product. We have to get this assembly line a'runnin'."

Chicken Ranchers across the United States are all under pressure from animal rights groups to provide better working conditions and benefits to egg laying chickens, including matching 401K contributions for chickens who have been laying with the chicken union.
Union chickens will tell you that the answer to what comes first is definitely the chicken in the Chicken or the Egg question.

Charlie McClucks, a union chicken of 5 years says that the chicken union has allowed him to live better by working in the union, and he's proud of all the acomplishments of his union brothers. "We chickens have got to stick together in 2006, it's the only way we'll someday be able to put a chicken in the White House".

Ho, Ho, Ho from Gee Dubya to all the Atomic Eyes

New Orleans, Great for Sport Fishing!

Two Georges can't be wrong!
Now that the waters have returned to sub-sea-level New Orleans, the fish have returned too!
In an effort to boost the local economy, George H.W., and George W. recently visited New Orleans for a little fishing trip with the news cameras rolling. Local fishing tour operators are ecstatic with joy as they've seen their business jump 540% since this time last year. Fishing boat Captain Joe LeRoulet said, "I've been a life long Democrat, but in 2008 I'm voting for Bush!"

Two Headed Ape Opens Specialty Store

Ape brothers, Charles and Richard McCurdy have formed a limited liability company called Gone Banana's - a fruit specialty store in the California Desert border town of Thermal. The fruit boutique is the latest in a wave of recent stores opened by retired circus animals. The Brothers McCurdy plan to host a cable TV show on Thermal's Public Access channel that will feature the Gorilla Duo's tips for picking out the best quality fruit as well as unique fruit serving ideas that will make you the hit of the year when you apply the Ape serving tips at your next dinner party.

Special Site Endorsement for Halloween

Just in time for Halloween, the Devil has sent us his approval. Be sure to join us on November first for the All Saints Day exorcism as we cast the Devil out of The Atomic Eye.

Halloween Fright Night at the White House.

From a secret government facility deep below the green hills of Virginia comes this genetically engineered human who will greet children at the White House front gate on Halloween. If you plan on visiting the White House, don't forget to bring 3 pieces of I.D., and be prepared to give a blood and DNA sample.

The End is Here

Transmitting from a mosque in Iraq, Muslim insurgents proclaim the end of Muslim TV as we know it. Starting tomorrow, the Iraqi airwaves will be filled with the new and improved Muslim TV that will include an overnight muslim shopping channel and several reality shows including a Donald Trump Apprentice rip-off that features suicide bomber apprentices who team up to plan new ways to blow themselves up in Baghdad's Green Zone. Every week a contestant is Fired at with an AK-47 and sent home in a plastic bag. Check local listings for air times.

Nicaragua's Army of Zombies

Just when you thought it was safe to visit Nicaragua... word of a new army of insurgents who have been growing a million man Zombie Clone Militia with super sight and heightened hearing has come to light. The U.S. State Department was contacted for comment on the issue by The Atomic Eye, however our voicemails were not returned.

Land Ho! Greetings from Tropic of Cancer @ 165 degrees west.

WE ARE 22 HRS FROM MIDWAY ISLAND. We will be joining the Captain on the bridge for sunset cocktails and Sea Mount Viewing on the Sonar Scope.



MESSAGE HAS BEEN UPDATED VIA WIRELESS SATELLITE CONNECTIVITY

New "Digital X-RaY" film process can see through wool blends.

NEW ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE RELEASED. NIXON TO MAO: "Let me make one thing perfectly clear... I prefer boxers to briefs... They won me the election"

An image process developed for the U.S. Air Force for seeing through roofs and walls from high flying U2 spy planes has been applied to vintage film footage of Richard M. Nixon's victory campaign. Astonishingly, the process reveals that the President did indeed prefer boxers to briefs.

Good bye cruel world!

Our caribean safe-house reports: ON BATT POWER : WATR LEV RISING : CHECK BACK OFTEN

Kentucky Fried Chicken Heads

A new menu item is on its way to KFC locations across the globe based on great success with market tests of the new poultry delite. The Fried Chicken Head Combo comes with a basket of 3, 6, 0r 12 deep fried chicken heads in crispy batter, your choice of two sides, and a medium soft drink. In addition, and for a limited time, you can get a set of Star Wars tooth picks with your Fried Chicken Head Combo.

Lizard Men found living in Downtown Shanty Towns

It may be scary at first glance, but the Lizard Men have the decency to wear a unitard, so maybe we should treat them as equals.

Worm Men spotted in the Foothills!

Officials have made an official announcement...

STAY OUT OF THE FOOTHILLS!

There have been several sightings of Worm Men, mostly near streams and creeks in the local foothills. They have a voracious appetite for meat as indicated by several deer carcasses found near their underground burrows. So far there have been no reports of attacks on humans, however local police are investigating recent missing person reports.

Vegas Used Car Dealer sells UFOs too!

Las Vegas Used car salesman, Jerry Pippen, has a great deal on a low mileage single seater UFO. Jerry tells The Atomic Eye that this rare find was owned by a little old alien lady from the M945 galaxy, and it's a real cream puff. So come on down... this weekend Jerry has free balloons and Moon Rocks for the kids!

Big Time Jiffy Pop in Roswell

The Roswell UFO Crash was really just a large "Jiffy Pop" popcorn product, officials said.

Skeleton Boy found in Tar Pit may be from the future.

NEW CiRClar SCANNING RADAR shows, 200,000 year old skeleton has 5 previously uncharted genomes, not currently found in today's humans. Scientists from Johns Hopkins say that the skeleton may actually not have actually been born yet, speculating, "What if it's from the future?"