Saturday, December 16, 2006

The Truth Can Not Be Changed.

Truth Changers, Bejing Style

"The truth can not be changed", that's what is being said from Bejing to Hong Kong as underworld figures unsuccessfully try to change the truth. A troupe of women have taken up the task of enforcing the truth in the China nation.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Friday the Thirteenth


Today, in honor of Friday the Thirteenth, evils have been unleashed from the Perplexing Cabinet.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Ants in my bathroom must die.


It's true! Ants are crossing our border at an alarming rate. The proposed 700 mile fence will not even slow them down. We call on all who read this notice to write their representatives in Washington and demand that a moat be added to the 700 mile fence to keep out illegal alien ants.



Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Summer Heatwave has Snowmen working overtime!

Snowmen are working double shifts as a heatwave grips the country. Summer is usually the busiest time of the year for snowmen as they pump out ice cream one cone at a time, but the season's unusually high temperatures have put an unusually high demand on the product.The snowmen at the ice cream factories say they enjoy meeting the demand, stating, "We don't mind the extra work because it keeps us inside the factory where it's nice and cool... if we were to get off work earlier, we'd melt as before we could get to our cars in the employee lot.".

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Security Lockdown - Current Focus On Ban on Liquids May Pass Pistols:



Impossible! One might think, but with all the recent focus on banning perfume and shampoo alike, officials warn that TSA Inspectors are alert to look for more traditional contraband, like hand guns, box cutters and the like.

Image Source: Snapsoid



parody

Security Lockdown - What Not to Carry On Flights:


Airports have begun to send back handmade contraptions like this one. Officials said that such items must be sent in your checked baggage, but travelers are rebuffed at the first checkpoint. At primary inspection, be prepared to show your identification and travel documents if asked for them.






Voted Best: Peter Murphy, Australia

Security Lockdown - Planet Earth


Security is tight as airports sniff out domestic bred enemies of freedom by cross indexing dromedary registration records with a expired student visa data base to sniff out terrorists as they enter the airport's main viaduct, and utility access gates.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Bush's boys are sniffing your packets.


"I understand you've been lookin' at stuff on the Internets..."

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Pat Robertson finally shuts up!

Pat Robertson has vowed to keep his big mouth shut.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

New Dick Cheney Movie

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http://snaps.snapsoid.com/~Lord_of_War

Saturday, January 21, 2006

And now a word from your fearless leader...

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http://snaps.snapsoid.com/~Fear_as_a_Motivator

Three young ladies in a closet.


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http://snaps.snapsoid.com/~goddamn_1

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Sexy Alien Women work for peanuts, literally.

Alien Space Women are now posing for clothing catalogs on earth and earthling models cry foul! The Aliens have arrived, and they love peanuts. Fashion catalog producers have been quick to seize the opportunity to get some cheap labor who work as models in exchange for twenty pound bags of peanuts.

Morrey Klein, a talent co-ordinator for American One, the countries largest catalog production company said, "These are some of the most talented models we've ever worked with, and the fact that they have no interest in money, yet a huge interest in peanuts makes them my number one choice when I book models for our catalog shoots."

But earthling models say it's not fair for them nor fair to the new alien model girls. Christian Larpin, a shareholder and the sole director of Elite Models says, "I know earthling models are upset, but they should really get over it. In the world marketplace the mantra 'Bigger, Faster, Cheaper' is the rule, and these alien girls are happy to work for peanuts, which in turn allows our clients to save money and provide their fashions to the American public for less. It all trickles down and benefits all Americans.

This weekend, out of work models plan to stage sit-in protests in Macy's in New York City to protest the alien hiring practices of Macy's parent Federated Group.

All you can eat McDonald's Diet

(Oak Brook, Illinois) - Despite McDonald's attempts to provide a more health conscience menu, American's still prefer the taste of a Big Mac over a Walnut Salad according to a recent study.

Twin sisters, Pixie and Trixie Packer tell us, "The salad is o.k., as long as you have few Big Macs to wash it down with"

McDonald's newly appointed chief executive, Jim Skinner, said in a recent conference call to shareholders that Americans have an almost addictive need to buy another Big Mac as soon as the taste of the thousand island dressing touches your tongue. Some say it's like legal cocaine.


This news has brought cheers from Wall Street as investors have seen a steady increase in profits that started shortly after corporate headquarters added a secret ingredient in the dressing.

Big Mac fans like Pixie and Trixie have switched over to an "All you can eat" Big Mac diet. The new fad diet allows you to eat an unlimited amount of Big Macs as long as you drink a Diet Coke with it. Pixie Packer said, "I think the Diet Coke is what balances out the meal, and counteracts the fat."

Rivals Burger King and Jack in the Box are poised to offer similar diets later next month.

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Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Meet our new guest Art Director: Rosco Whiteman

We are lucky to have famed make-over man, Rosco Whiteman join us for the rest of the month as special guest Art Director. Rosco says sexy chicks will draw more web surfers to our site, and we think that plan sounds great!

Rosco is famous for his work at Barely Legal Baby Fat magazine, and StupidChicks.com (before the new 2257 laws). So check back often for a dose of hot chicks.
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http://snaps.snapsoid.com/~UGLY~1

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Wednesday Special at the Car Wash Today


Wednesday Special at the McFeeley Car Wash Today, just $10.00 extra for a hand wash from Julie or Esperanza. You'll be in and out in 20 minutes when you schedule your car wash from your wireless phone. Bring your camera phone with you, just $20 more!
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http://snaps.snapsoid.com/~teen_girlfriend_washing_car
http://snaps.snapsoid.com/~car-wash-girl

Monday, January 02, 2006

O.K. All you chickens... BACK TO WORK!



Chickens prepare to return to work after the long New Year's weekend in Dinuba, California.
Now that the New Year's Holiday is wrapping up, it's time to put your beaks to the grindstone and push out some eggs. That's the message from the National Chicken Council, and they're not to chicken to say it.

"How are you chickens going to get anywhere by loafing around watching a football game on T.V.?", asked Dinuba, California Chicken Rancher Wayne T. Johnson during a motivational meeting that he instituted on the spur of the moment Monday afternoon, January 2nd, 2006 with all his laying chickens. Rancher Johnson explained to The Atomic Eye: "We respect our chickens and we provide a nice place for them to work as well as time off on Bank Holidays. We even have some of the smarter chickens working in our accounts payable department. But for cryin' out loud, it's time to make tomorrows' egg orders, and this 3 day weekend has stressed the market supply of product. We have to get this assembly line a'runnin'."

Chicken Ranchers across the United States are all under pressure from animal rights groups to provide better working conditions and benefits to egg laying chickens, including matching 401K contributions for chickens who have been laying with the chicken union.
Union chickens will tell you that the answer to what comes first is definitely the chicken in the Chicken or the Egg question.

Charlie McClucks, a union chicken of 5 years says that the chicken union has allowed him to live better by working in the union, and he's proud of all the acomplishments of his union brothers. "We chickens have got to stick together in 2006, it's the only way we'll someday be able to put a chicken in the White House".
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