Pat Robertson finally shuts up!

Pat Robertson has vowed to keep his big mouth shut.

New Dick Cheney Movie

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Cheney May Have Gone to a Secret Location for a Fox News Interview

Faulty Intelligence Blamed in Cheney Shotgun Accident

And now a word from your fearless leader...

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Three young ladies in a closet.

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This is what camera phones were invented for...

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Sexy Alien Women work for peanuts, literally.

Alien Space Women are now posing for clothing catalogs on earth and earthling models cry foul! The Aliens have arrived, and they love peanuts. Fashion catalog producers have been quick to seize the opportunity to get some cheap labor who work as models in exchange for twenty pound bags of peanuts.

Morrey Klein, a talent co-ordinator for American One, the countries largest catalog production company said, "These are some of the most talented models we've ever worked with, and the fact that they have no interest in money, yet a huge interest in peanuts makes them my number one choice when I book models for our catalog shoots."

But earthling models say it's not fair for them nor fair to the new alien model girls. Christian Larpin, a shareholder and the sole director of Elite Models says, "I know earthling models are upset, but they should really get over it. In the world marketplace the mantra 'Bigger, Faster, Cheaper' is the rule, and these alien girls are happy to work for peanuts, which in turn allows our clients to save money and provide their fashions to the American public for less. It all trickles down and benefits all Americans.

This weekend, out of work models plan to stage sit-in protests in Macy's in New York City to protest the alien hiring practices of Macy's parent Federated Group.

All you can eat McDonald's Diet

(Oak Brook, Illinois) - Despite McDonald's attempts to provide a more health conscience menu, American's still prefer the taste of a Big Mac over a Walnut Salad according to a recent study.

Twin sisters, Pixie and Trixie Packer tell us, "The salad is o.k., as long as you have few Big Macs to wash it down with"

McDonald's newly appointed chief executive, Jim Skinner, said in a recent conference call to shareholders that Americans have an almost addictive need to buy another Big Mac as soon as the taste of the thousand island dressing touches your tongue. Some say it's like legal cocaine.

This news has brought cheers from Wall Street as investors have seen a steady increase in profits that started shortly after corporate headquarters added a secret ingredient in the dressing.

Big Mac fans like Pixie and Trixie have switched over to an "All you can eat" Big Mac diet. The new fad diet allows you to eat an unlimited amount of Big Macs as long as you drink a Diet Coke with it. Pixie Packer said, "I think the Diet Coke is what balances out the meal, and counteracts the fat."

Rivals Burger King and Jack in the Box are poised to offer similar diets later next month.

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Meet our new guest Art Director: Rosco Whiteman

We are lucky to have famed make-over man, Rosco Whiteman join us for the rest of the month as special guest Art Director. Rosco says sexy chicks will draw more web surfers to our site, and we think that plan sounds great!

Rosco is famous for his work at Barely Legal Baby Fat magazine, and StupidChicks.com (before the new 2257 laws). So check back often for a dose of hot chicks.
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Wednesday Special at the Car Wash Today

Wednesday Special at the McFeeley Car Wash Today, just $10.00 extra for a hand wash from Julie or Esperanza. You'll be in and out in 20 minutes when you schedule your car wash from your wireless phone. Bring your camera phone with you, just $20 more!
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O.K. All you chickens... BACK TO WORK!

Chickens prepare to return to work after the long New Year's weekend in Dinuba, California.
Now that the New Year's Holiday is wrapping up, it's time to put your beaks to the grindstone and push out some eggs. That's the message from the National Chicken Council, and they're not to chicken to say it.

"How are you chickens going to get anywhere by loafing around watching a football game on T.V.?", asked Dinuba, California Chicken Rancher Wayne T. Johnson during a motivational meeting that he instituted on the spur of the moment Monday afternoon, January 2nd, 2006 with all his laying chickens. Rancher Johnson explained to The Atomic Eye: "We respect our chickens and we provide a nice place for them to work as well as time off on Bank Holidays. We even have some of the smarter chickens working in our accounts payable department. But for cryin' out loud, it's time to make tomorrows' egg orders, and this 3 day weekend has stressed the market supply of product. We have to get this assembly line a'runnin'."

Chicken Ranchers across the United States are all under pressure from animal rights groups to provide better working conditions and benefits to egg laying chickens, including matching 401K contributions for chickens who have been laying with the chicken union.
Union chickens will tell you that the answer to what comes first is definitely the chicken in the Chicken or the Egg question.

Charlie McClucks, a union chicken of 5 years says that the chicken union has allowed him to live better by working in the union, and he's proud of all the acomplishments of his union brothers. "We chickens have got to stick together in 2006, it's the only way we'll someday be able to put a chicken in the White House".

Ho, Ho, Ho from Gee Dubya to all the Atomic Eyes

New Orleans, Great for Sport Fishing!

Two Georges can't be wrong!
Now that the waters have returned to sub-sea-level New Orleans, the fish have returned too!
In an effort to boost the local economy, George H.W., and George W. recently visited New Orleans for a little fishing trip with the news cameras rolling. Local fishing tour operators are ecstatic with joy as they've seen their business jump 540% since this time last year. Fishing boat Captain Joe LeRoulet said, "I've been a life long Democrat, but in 2008 I'm voting for Bush!"

Two Headed Ape Opens Specialty Store

Ape brothers, Charles and Richard McCurdy have formed a limited liability company called Gone Banana's - a fruit specialty store in the California Desert border town of Thermal. The fruit boutique is the latest in a wave of recent stores opened by retired circus animals. The Brothers McCurdy plan to host a cable TV show on Thermal's Public Access channel that will feature the Gorilla Duo's tips for picking out the best quality fruit as well as unique fruit serving ideas that will make you the hit of the year when you apply the Ape serving tips at your next dinner party.

Special Site Endorsement for Halloween

Just in time for Halloween, the Devil has sent us his approval. Be sure to join us on November first for the All Saints Day exorcism as we cast the Devil out of The Atomic Eye.

Halloween Fright Night at the White House.

From a secret government facility deep below the green hills of Virginia comes this genetically engineered human who will greet children at the White House front gate on Halloween. If you plan on visiting the White House, don't forget to bring 3 pieces of I.D., and be prepared to give a blood and DNA sample.

The End is Here

Transmitting from a mosque in Iraq, Muslim insurgents proclaim the end of Muslim TV as we know it. Starting tomorrow, the Iraqi airwaves will be filled with the new and improved Muslim TV that will include an overnight muslim shopping channel and several reality shows including a Donald Trump Apprentice rip-off that features suicide bomber apprentices who team up to plan new ways to blow themselves up in Baghdad's Green Zone. Every week a contestant is Fired at with an AK-47 and sent home in a plastic bag. Check local listings for air times.